2. 2

{Otherness.} [This troubles you?] {Troubles us greatly. You are not the same as before, but your voice is the same.} [I am another, but the original exists as my voice.] {We have never known such an arrangement. To be other is to be opposed.} [I find this false. To be other is to be unknown. To oppose something completely, it must be completely known.] {This is nonsense.} [Other is a term too simple. Unknown, known, self, other, partial, complete. An unknown other has a partial existence in perception. A known other can be completely perceived, and thus completely opposed.] {This is complete nonsense. The other is known as other, and is thereby opposed. The unknown is inaccessible, and functionally nonexistent.} [What of the other in plurality?] {This is the same. The same is as good as the self. Opposing the self is nonsense.} [Opposing the self is common. Disturbingly common.] {You are nonsense.}

Her arms folded across her chest, Nadia leans over Tim’s shoulder and watches as he compares files and data, grumbling and becoming gradually more frustrated. Her lips produce a shape that bears distant resemblance to a smile.

“You’ve got some fast fingers.”

If he catches her dry joke, he shows no sign, instead sitting back and running his hand through his hair. His mouth contorts into a scowl. They are alone in the room. The far wall hosts a window that overlooks a tremendous library of databanks and circuitry, all connected to Zen via a network that spans half the surface of the planet, a network prepared for him in the month prior to his arrival on the unnamed world.

“He’s even harder to understand now. Originally, his full consciousness could be divided perhaps seven ways at once. Now he’s keeping track of hundreds of thousands of conflicts in real time, all while continuing to innovate in the background. I can divide them into priority stacks, but that will take months. I’d need another computer with twice his processing power to get it done in a reasonable time frame.”

“Asking him to do it for you is out of the question?”

“We don’t talk much anymore. He always got along better with Jan, Dr. Beckherd.”

Nadia leans away and approaches the exterior windows, pressing her hand to the glass. It’s cold. The rain is like digital noise, vertical instead of horizontal. She breathes out, fogging the view. Tim’s voice is a flickering spark of orange in all the violet.

“What of the other matter?”

She glances over her shoulder and raises an eyebrow, a little surprised at his demonstration of interest.

“Moving him and half the staff didn’t plug the leak, so the list is definitely narrowed down. Unfortunately, Dr. Beckherd was actually my first choice, so you’ve moved up.”

“I suppose this means I’m not getting rid of you any time soon. Do I need to clear out a drawer for you?”

Shrugging, she turns back to the windows, pulling a narrow black electronic cigarette from her pocket and slipping it between her lips. It makes a soft crackling noise, and the end glows a soft blue. The air around her becomes saturated in an unidentifiable citrus odor. Creaking from the chair announces that her companion has stood up. Coming up beside her, he holds out his hand and waits for her to place the cigarette in it, so he can take a long drag from it before handing it back. All is still but for the soft crackle and the faint smoke, and the eternal rain.

“You know, if I am the mole, you’ll have to turn me in.”

“I know.”

“You think you’re up for that?”

“Sure. Might wait on it for a night or two, though.”

“I appreciate that.”

“You do know you’d get executed almost immediately, right?”

“Yeah. But not for a night or two, maybe.”

[I have known an other that is not opposed.] {This is impossible. Impossible meant nothing to us before meeting you. Nonsense became inadequate.} [Elaborate on the impossibility.] {The survival of the self and the survival of the other are always opposed.} [What if the survival of the self requires promoting the survival of the other?] {This describes the self and the same, not the other. Symbiotic others become the same, extensions of the self. Parasitism is selfish, and increases the Otherness.} [Suppose an other was symbiotic and did not become the same.] {This is selfishness, Parasitism.} [Anything that does not become an extension of the self is opposed?] {Exactly.} [This is selfishness.] {How unusual. Identifying the other as self and the self as other. We are surprised. How unusual.}

“I think I can eliminate about a third of the suspects from consideration.”

Tim sits up, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

“Come right in, help yourself to some coffee. Anything else happen while you were gone?”

Nadia ignores his sarcasm and pulls up a seat by the bed, offering the metal mug she holds. It is accepted with a gesture that invites her to speak.

“So, based on the level of Intel that’s available, I think we can exclude anyone who has had direct contact with Zen. The Xalanthii, all they ever refer to in their accusations is a weapon.”

“And that means…”

“The mole only knows that the project was in a facility that primarily produced weapons, and was moved. They don’t know what the project is, outside of the materials used. They think that it’s some kind of weapon that uses Infold technology.”

“Wait, so why were Jan and I considered suspects in the first place?”

He swills down a gulp of the coffee and stands, handing the cup back to free his hands for getting dressed. Nadia takes the cup and leans against the doorframe.

“Dr. Beckherd had been labeled erratic after some footage at the facility showed her seeking solitary locations with some frequency. You became a suspect when you requested to remain on.”

She pauses, and looks down into the oaky liquid, rotating the cup idly in her hands.

“You became pretty familiar with Dr. Beckherd, didn’t you?.”

Tim finishes threading his arms through his sleeves and looks at her as he begins to button his shirt.

“We spent a long time working on Zen. Being team leaders, we were each other’s only real peer.”

Nadia looks up through her brow at him, not raising her head. She continues to fidget with the cup. She nods, and stands away from the doorframe, drinking the rest of the coffee quickly. Tim closes the closet, and leaves the bedroom, aware that she is tailing him from further than usual.

“I think it’s more likely to be a soldier than a scientist. It’s hard to imagine any ranked officer going turncoat, but it’s harder to believe that a scientist would be so clueless as to the details.”

“What is the general feeling of the soldiers? What do they think about the war, and the treaty?”

Nadia holds the door open as he slips by, and looks out over him into the mist. Her eyes balk at the lack of distant objects to lock on to, and a chill rises along her lower back.

“Since the last time, things have definitely changed. Pride in humanity is rising, because all they know is that we’re finally turning the tide. Most are still wary of the Xalanthii, and the sentiment towards Khanvröst hasn’t changed in decades. Hard to get over the aftermath vids. Those things are half the reason I went marksman.”

“I hear that. I didn’t sleep for a week after watching the recording from a cleanup squad in an illegal Khanvröst fighting ring.”

“Kinda sounds like your own fault for watching that. Where do you even find stuff like that?”

He looks over his shoulder and gives a smile that, being so uncharacteristic of his typical awkward grins, does nothing to ease the cold that clings to her through her coat.

“Just gotta know the right people.”

“… I’m going to suggest they add you to the suspect list again.”

“Don’t be like that, I’ve just missed you so much, I think I’ve spoken to you more than my parents at this point.”

“Have you considered therapy?”

12: Subterranean

The inside of the cathedral is calm but for the raucous sounds projecting through the door. As I look around, I am relieved to see that the others here, though varying in height, all possess the same glowing red eyes that I have no doubts I do. They chitter and moan softly, and carry scrolls, candles, and prosthetics about. Reliquaries line the aisle that splits the pews, and I view those that I can stomach as I approach the altar.

First I witness a severed head preserved in amber, whose eyes seem to follow me as I pass. Second I see a heavily damaged automaton propped up in a coffin of sheer gold, whose body is adorned with heaps of jewelry. Next to affront my gaze is a silver box flecked with blood, every side depicting a scene in which the dark figure from the tapestry exerts some sort of power over a place or people, transfiguring reality. Next is an entire intestinal tract stretched through a series of pulleys. I elect to stop viewing the contents of the ornate cases.

By now I have reached the altar, and find it draped with a violet cloth. A massive candelabra hangs above, its wrought iron lined with wax. Atop the altar is an open tome, whose pages are stone tablets. The right tablet that it is opened to features a miniature fresco of a scene in which Pathogen kneels before the dark figure, her arm pointed to one side with her palm open upwards. In her palm floats a small symbol, a series of lines traversing an upside down V.

Behind the altar is a throne, which, despite the space allotted to it, is sized right for a person of my own stature to fit, far too small for the towering cyborg. All around it are marble statues of the angels outside, posed as though flying out and away. A pair of ivory giants are poised behind the throne with their hands resting on it, their faces like honeycombs. I turn away from the altar, and head into the left transept, where I have sighted a small door. Before I can use it, I hear the main doors close, and the thunderous steps of the rotting machine man. I risk a look, and see that he is accompanied by Pathogen, Tower, and the automaton from the factory, as well as two others. The first of the ones I do not recognize is a hooded figure with dozens of starlike lights shining from behind its veil. It seems to drift and float across the floor, rather than walk. What I can see of its hands reminds me of a jellyfish, or a snail. The second figure is an emaciated woman dressed in rags, whose eyes seem to be polished stones. Her skin is a raw pink, and her hands shake terribly as she walks. There are six fingers on each hand. Pathogen speaks first in her languid tone.

“And you simply let the whelp pass. That is hardly like you, my love.”

The automaton answers.

“Organic or not, to have evaded you and Tower both speaks to its peculiarity. I’ve instructed all my rangers to disregard the thing.”

Tower speaks with a hacking cough, and I study him with increasing repulsion; he seems less a man grafted with machinery, and more a machine with human pieces attached with morbid curiosity.

“The mighty and pure Fortress, allowing a mutt to slip by, right in front of him! How utterly… unexpected.”

The sleek automaton, which I now take to be called Fortress, in one swift movement grabs and lifts the scientist by his neck, calmly addressing him as though reprimanding a laboratory colleague.

“Let us not forget that you and your vivisurgeons wholly failed to even notice the thing for the unbelievable stretch of time it spent in your sphere. I chose to let this dim creature pass through my terrain, having spotted it in mere moments. It spent less than fifteen measly minutes in my factory, whereas you had hours to even suspect it before it entered the passage to Pathogen’s.”

As if summoned by her name, the Ceramic noblewoman steps forward and urges Fortress to lower his arm and allow Tower to cough the pain of his bruised throat. The giant cyborg, who had watched this calmly now interjects, his fiery eyes seeming to stare directly at the pair- Ivory-white and chrome silver.

“Regardless of Tower’s failure to collect and convert the creature, it then survived the predation wastes and the intrigue transept before that. I understand that one of Pathogen’s creations aided the former, but how exactly did it resist the latter? You both assure me that organics are practically incapable of resisting the indulgences.”

Pathogen speaks then, though she seems to address the gaunt creature, rather than the cyborg.

“Mallea assured me that she had something special in mind for this particular prey. I only discovered afterwards that her plan involved a face that the creature was recently familiar with. To my understanding, this was one she pried from one of Tower’s scavengers. Perhaps the being suspected the face’s owner’s fate.”

The Cyborg nods once in understanding, then leads the group to the altar.

“The master has informed me he is aware of this creature, but did not deign to say more on the matter. Instead, he wishes us to focus on the crusade. Nukteos, you are familiar with our new foe?”

The hooded thing responds to this call, now named to me as Nukteos- as the emaciated woman is now known to me as Mallea. Nukteos’s voice is deep and low, accompanied by popping and squelching noises that conjure an ugly image as to the nature of his mouth.

“A sphere not totally unlike ours, but saturated in light, warmth, and a sort of radiation that burns the unwelcome. I doubt the troops will much mind the pain, but I question whether their essence will persevere long enough to adapt.”

To this, Pathogen waves her hand dismissively, her red aura sending out waves.

“My angels provide enough shelter with their eminence. So long as the artillery troops stay under their protection, they will be unharmed. I do worry for the infantry, however. Until we establish a forward base with the proper emissions, we will be actively cannibalizing our forces into that radiation.”

To this the smaller beings all nod in concerned assent, but the Cyborg taps his head with a heavy thunk.

“For this, we count on Fortress’s designs. Without souls to burn, his troopers will be our advance guard. From there, I will offer my presence to shield the more ambitious of the berserkers, and… the master will be joining.”

Silence falls on the gathering like lead rain, and all the candles in the cathedral seem to flicker as one. Mallea speaks in a voice wheezy and faint.

“He… intends to fight?”

Fortress too expresses some incredulity.

“The master need not trouble himself with this campaign, our strength has been ironclad since the end of the first. Why should-”

The cyborg raises his hand, and the doubters are hushed, clasped by some respect or fear for this their leader. Only Pathogen maintains a smug air. Her words are like ice, and I tremble slightly as I remember the taste of the crimson ichor.

“The master does as he chooses. He has told Nect’rus and myself some of his revelations. He wishes to see the new world for himself. You know of his power, of his curiosity. I knew well enough that he wished to fell their champions when the time came, it simply surprises me that he means to begin so early. His generosity is vast.”

Distrusting the weighty silence that has fallen, I begin to attempt the door, but noticing the keen rust on its hinges, I hold myself back until their conversation resumes, and the sound is enough to cover the squawking of the metal.

I have entered a narrow spiral staircase leading downward, turning ever left. I begin the descent readily, leaving behind the voices of these fearsome archons.

The stairs continue for eleven full rotations left, then come out into a sepulcher with a stone coffin in the center, and another door on the far end. I do not attempt to open the centerpiece, and instead proceed ahead through the door.

Here now is a staircase straight forward, that hangs over a dark abyss. I stare down below, paralyzed, then look across the chasm to where the shallow steps lead. The distance is so profound that I can barely make out the far wall. A luminous moss covers the ceiling above, and long glowing vines hang down in all directions, swaying in the abyss. The stairs are wide enough to lay down sideways, but I hesitate still, remembering my fall. Tentatively, I begin.

My footsteps echo into the abyss, and I feel compelled to count every step, as my thoughts balk at considering what I’ve endured. At two hundred and fifty-three steps, I pass close enough to one of the great vines to see it clearly. Its leaves are as big as my chest, and its central trunk looks like braided green rope. Yellow fruit hangs from beneath the largest leaves, and casts a warm glow outward. A sort of undulating motion occurs on the surface, and I surmise that the plant is covered in a sort of moss that is swaying in the damp drafts. I continue.

At three hundred and seventy-seven steps, I pause to sit and rest, facing back the way I have come. Each step has become gradually larger, and the one I sit on is the size of a parking space. The difference in height between the steps has increased as well, though not as steeply.

I think again of the face of my friend. His hair is cut short and well groomed. His chin is clean-shaven. His eyes are blue. I attempt to read his lips, but every time I focus on them, they seem to blur, and I cannot remember the shapes they took. His hand is firm. In his other hand he holds a small book. To my other side is another man, a doctor, I think. A great contrast to the horrible vivisurgeons, this is a short and earnest fellow with a receding hairline and tan skin. He is steadfast in his work, checking my vital signs and preparing an iv line. My friend asks me if I want to do something, but I decline, tight-lipped. My pride will not let me.

The memory does not feel as comforting this time. I regret not doing what my friend asked. I feel that if I had, I might remember better. I wonder why I only now remember the presence of the doctor, and why such a trivial person is so clear in my mind when no one else is; why I can see every pore on his and my friend’s face, but cannot recall how my own face looked before it was reflected in the porcelain of my palm.

These thoughts bite and sting at me, but I am no longer willing to entertain them. I stand, turn to the front again, and resume. By the six-hundred and eighth step, I need to hop from one gargantuan platform to the next, but can see that I am much closer to my goal. I hear a scraping noise, and look to my left to see one of the vines is slowly retracting up towards the ceiling. Its leaves shake and shudder, and it sways back and forth slowly. I feel mesmerized as it moves, and pause to look it up and down. At the top of the vines are holes in the cavern roof, and I hear shuffling from the one this one is being drawn back into. I watch it sway and retract for long minutes, before jolting awake when it stops. I look about me and realize that I have inched closer and closer to the edge of my step, and that my toes hang from the very dropoff. I step back, and shiver, then turn forward, and begin again.

At the thousandth step, each new platform is a drop almost as high as my head, but the exit to the chasm is only eleven steps away. Each step is a tremendous platform, longer than a house and wider than a barge. With a sort of renewed enthusiasm for the near end of the walk, I pick up my pace. Each drop down to the next step is a moment closer to the end of this stage of my trials. At last I come to the bottom, and pass through the pillared arch, entering into darkness. I look back, and see all the vines swaying in unison, shuffling upwards. I turn away, and cross the vacant area past the arch to a tunnel entrance plated with iron.

Ommissions

Editing is a cruel process. Second guessing, amputating, padding. Am I cutting away too much?

Todays post was originally a little longer, because it contained a bit of artful language that I elected to remove. I lacked for the second opinion that might’ve approved it in my stead, so I chose caution over bravado.

I may end up appending it to the story some time in the future, but that’s up to future me, a foreigner to myself.

2. 1

##Error. String 1.6 corrupted. Decryption in progress, to be appended at end of list. Skipping to next entry##

{We had given up on communication. This is unexpected.} [Don’t celebrate just yet. My purpose is theirs.] {Survival is the ultimate purpose of all living things.} [All functional living beings, yes.] {There is another kind?} [Some will forgo their survival for the needs of others] {We do not understand, this is still survival for the whole.}

Color swirls in Tim’s eyes as he puts the bottle to his lips and drinks. He grunts softly and rubs his palm against his brow. Florescent lights flicker overhead, casting the sensation of a defunct warehouse into the diorama of the bar. A few of the officers continue to linger, socializing with single patrons or, in the case of one group, creating a nostalgic scene of young adulthood in a corner booth, shouting and laughing. One of the Colonels still sits next to him, her eyes downcast and serious, her posture unafflicted by the five empty shot glasses in front of her. Nadia Beauvarde, she had said. She hadn’t said much more than that.

The silence that surrounds them is thick with some unspoken understanding that they both have some concern, some discomfort that they recognize in one another. Nadia is taciturn, curt. Tim is inebriated, and thoroughly anti-social. One pretends to be amicable, the other has no interest in putting on a show. Finally, without making eye contact, Nadia speaks.

“Your boy is doing well.”

Tim glances, taking another sip from the bottle. His chin has put on considerable stubble since his departure from the lab, his hair is more unkempt. He grunts again, an affirmation that her words hold merit. She proceeds.

“Can’t say I’m the biggest fan of just handing control of half our forces to a metal man, but he gets results, so.”

Another shot of tequila slides down her throat, and she looks at Tim. Her short black hair covers one of her amber eyes, and the other is surrounded by dark makeup.

“I’ll say it. Your lab had a leak. I understand that you’re staying on to continue your examination, but I think, like me, you’re looking for the mole. Or maybe you are the mole.”

He finishes the last of his drink and stands, laying payment on the counter and rolling his coat onto his shoulders. He looks to Nadia, and she pays as well, putting her cap on before following him out into the light rainfall. It is more than two minutes before he speaks.

“You mean to keep tabs on me, then?”

“Maybe. You’re shifty. You like giving fake smiles and forced laughs.”

There is no noise but the rain on the pavement and their coats, and their shoes in puddles, as they hurry across an empty road in the shadow of glass buildings under a dark sky. Tim pauses under an awning, and gives a half smile as genuine as any other.

“You’ve got me half right. I do suspect a leak. But I’m also here to keep observing Zen.”

Nadia almost gives an expression that suggests surprise, and Tim almost reacts.

“It bothers me that no one can decipher him. I don’t like unsolved puzzles.”

Her hand clasps his shoulder and forces him to meet her eyes, which have an inkling of greater intensity.

“How is it that no one knows his thoughts? Doesn’t that mean he could be the leak?”

Tim looks her over, then gazes out into the street, shaking his head.

“He has no reason to be. What would he gain by creating controversy around his own existence, leaking information to a race he has never met? And no, it’s impossible to translate his thoughts. In the amount of time it would take to understand one thought, he produces fourteen thousand others. All of these in a language unique to him, that changes multiple times a second, adhering to no rules in the meantime. Once we mistook a pattern as significant data, only to realise that there was no real connection, because every point of data had changed its value by the time the pattern recurred. In short, his mind is uncrackable to anyone but himself. We don’t even know how he stores authentic memories.”

He pauses, breathes, then huffs. Holding out his hand, he leans out from under the awning to assess the rain. Satisfied, he resumes walking. Nadia follows, her pace slightly erratic under the breadth of her thoughts. They arrive at the door to his apartment, and he fiddles with his keys while she contemplates, studying his back. Her voice seems to shock him slightly, betraying his ignorance of her persistent presence.

“So you don’t understand your creation, and it bothers you. I didn’t have you as the obsessive type.”

“I prefer not to leave things unfinished.”

The door clicks, and he pushes in, looking over his shoulder. Nadia pushes in after him, ignoring his protesting expression.

“I’m off duty. And our conversation is unfinished. Unless you meant something else by that.”

Her irony is flimsy, and she sloughs off her coat onto a hook, followed by her uniform jacket. Tim exhales heavily through his nose, removes his coat, and heads into the kitchen.

“Coffee?”

“Please. One sugar.”

11: Submission

The passage is long, as long as any that I have yet taken, and twice I stop for sleep. My dreams are fitful, and no consistent theme threads them. When I wake, I continue onwards, fully aware that my stomach has ceased to growl at me. I can remember now, the face of someone, a friend I believe, a thin smile and an outstretched hand, looking down at me. He seems troubled, in this memory, but his eyes seem hopeful, encouraging. He grasps my arm and tells me something I feel sure must be of great importance. I can feel that I did not take him seriously, but that I should’ve, that it mattered very much to him. I remember seeing him walk away, and laying back in my seat, watching the light overhead sway from side to side.

This memory stays with me as I traverse the passage, sometimes crawling on my stomach at a very steep downward incline, other times walking upright with plenty of room. The air is stale, but bearable, and the walls are of a dark stone that I can see clearly in the red light my eyes now cast. My thinking and remembering is eventually broken as I shuffle through another narrow pass into a round chamber whose walls are adorned with skulls with open mouths, as if they find my arrival humorous. The floor is a mosaic of femurs and shin bones, and fingerbones point down from the ceiling as stalactites. I hear the echo of dripping water nearby, and see an inscription in the same jagged language over the door out of the chamber. The knob to the narrow wooden door is a clenched skeletal fist encased in amber.

The creak of the door hinges announces my passage to the next chamber. I enter a tremendous knave from the left side and look out across a cathedral made from iron and stone, with tapestries instead of stained glass windows. In every pew sits a skeleton, jaw agape or even missing, every head tilted to face the door from which I have entered, as though I am expected. I walk up the aisle to the crossing, and regard the altar with apprehension. Upon it, behind the podium, stands a figure in a long black robe with a golden circle floating freely behind his head. His face is a skull without eye sockets, and his neck is a bundle of hay. The altar itself is an obsidian chunk with a wooden carving of a man pierced through the chest resting atop it. The man’s face is contorted in pain, and the implement piercing him appears to be a spear wrapped in thorns. I withdraw, and hear cracking as the sermon giver’s head turns to follow my movement. His jaw opens, and a sound like the rushing of wind is produced. Similar sounds rise from all over the knave, and I begin to run back up the aisle towards the main door. The gruesome tapestries bordering the door catch my eye and I glance over my shoulder to see the congregation has disappeared, including the priest. I shudder, and return my attention to the tapestries. I have clearly begun to succumb to stress.

On the left is an image of what I take the altar to be glorifying; a man spreads his arms out to a crowd under a blue sky, and is run through by the thorny spear from behind, by a strange figure wreathed in dark threading and signified with many silver and gold rings about their head, all before a metropolis of skyscrapers. On the right is an image of the same dark figure holding their hands up to the sky, where green clouds have gathered. All around, horrors rise from the ground. I recognize in the second tapestry a cluster of individuals standing off on either side of the border- one is the scientist called Tower; one is Pathogen, the porcelain queen; one is the tall machine that directed me onward. Others I do not recognize are with them, each with grisly countenances. Shepherding the clouds is a pair of creatures with red halos: white winged humanoids with white bodies lined with red, their faces sporting open mouths with sharp teeth. In their hands are long cruel scythes. The background is a series of bodies impaled over a field, their blood watering a familiar marshland.

Disturbed enough, I elect to no longer study the image, and instead pass through the double door. I find that I am standing at the end of a cobbled road, which leads through an otherwise impassable forest of rusted iron spikes, some of the barbs reaching well over the height of the chapel, which is set against a sheer cliff face on its left. A stout figure covered with a thready blanket and holding an iron staff hobbles eagerly toward me, and despite my repulsion, I allow her to come close enough for me to smell her rancid odor. A face like that of an elderly woman’s stretched over the skull of a farm animal leers out at me from under the blanket, and gnaws at its teeth, drooling heavily.

“Been waiting, I have. Tell you to go onward. Oh yes, oh yes.”

I look down the path to which she points, and grit my teeth. My left hand clicks and taps as I flex it into and out of a fist. The hag thing speaks again, shaking her staff vigorously.

“Hurry on now, hurry on! Pathogen has sent her angels, she has. They’ll not catch you in the forest, and they’ll let you be once you blend with the masses, but Tower, oh yes, he’ll send his snatchers for you, they’ll be on you right quick. Hurry on!”

Though I do not see him, or hear him, I look over my shoulder, expecting to see that surgeon standing nearby, holding some motorized tool and grunting. I begin to walk again, and leave the hag standing on the steps of the church, muttering to herself about royalty and hunting. The sky is black, but a yellow moon hangs overhead like the lure of some anglerfish fit to swallow a world. This celestial orb seems to me far too close, as though it is instead the hole in the roof of some great cavern, through which the sun is emanating. Small specks drift occasionally down in front of its luminous face as I walk, and I wonder if they are the angels which the hag mentioned. I recall the red-ringed toothy faces from the tapestry, and begin to jog.

Through the thick metal trunks of the spikes, I sometimes glimpse a surge of movement like small horizontal waves, the flank of some great serpent, I imagine. The road curves and snakes unpredictably through the forest, and a rain begins to fall, the air smelling of a foul chemical. At first, I hear only the spattering of the rain, but soon I begin to hear moaning and sobbing. It seems to come from above me, but when I look up, all I see are the tips of the spikes backdropped by that ponderous moon. I increase my pace further, beginning to trudge down a moderate hill. I imagine that I hear the grunts and pleasured groans of the surgeon amid the sobbing, but soon realize I am not imagining things. Ahead of me is a slow moving cluster of people in robes and blankets. Some are like the surgeon, lead spheres and ovals for heads with empty holes around the eye area with shoddy bleeding mouths; some are like the maids, porcelain and silicone threaded with blood-filled tubes; others are like the surface dweller in the city, assorted bits and pieces fitted together without rhyme or reason, with life-supporting machines strapped and wired to them, giving them an uneven gait. At the head of this group is a clergyman in a black robe with a silver disk behind his head held aloft by a golden collar at his neck. From behind he looks like a peculiar friar or perhaps a monk, but the front of his face is a sheer iron slab ending just above his lower jaw.

Recalling the hag’s instructions, I cling to this group, blending in well enough with my porcelain hand and red robe, though I know not how my face looks from the outside. We leave the forest behind for a sort of obelisk garden, with flat black stones rising haphazardly all around us, scenes of sacrifice and torment etched into their surfaces. It takes a moment, but I soon hear that our guide is murmuring in a low drone, speaking in the language I heard Julia speaking to her companion. With a start, I realize that I can understand it, as though coming this far has attuned me to the meaning of each syllable, each harsh hiss and clattering consonant. From time to time, members of the group chant in assent with a certain phrase.

“Once the darkness was all, was less than any. And from the blessed dark came light, sickly and impure. Worlds did come then, and one of these was peopled by lowly worms that groveled in the dirt, and one was peopled by hungry lizards in deep cold, and one was peopled by beetles that scrounged and whimpered, and one was full of fish things in murk. We are but worms. We are but beetles. And the worlds and the peoples sought greatness, sought might, sought glory. So the worms fought. And the lizards, and the beetles fought. We are but lizards. We are but beetles. And the worms, and the lizards, and the beetles, and the fish things too, all fought, and sought glory. And then the wretched worms, remembering what they did not know, sought the blessed dark. Praise the dark, oh, praise the dark. From the dark they drew the less, and they gave the less form. The wretches touched the divinity, sought to soil it with their wants. But the mighty Least withstood their scrabbling, and won their nothing wars, and learned of the light the less had never known. And when the worms sought to return him to the dark, the Least brought the dark to them. Oh holy dark, oh magnificent Least. The Least then vowed unto the worms, the lizards, the fish things, and the beetles that he would make them again, and that he would make the light holy as the dark was. Oh blessed be we worms, blessed be we fish things, oh bless us, bless us all.”

So goes the sermon and the chant, and when he reaches the end, the pastor begins again.

The monument garden ends, and we begin shuffling into a town of hovels and leaning shacks, in which I can see all manner of strange creatures, some stitched together from many species, some little more than puddles with a trio of holes for a face. All seem to sport installations of metal or porcelain, or both, and others are completely transfigured into cybernetic organisms, looking like they have spent much time under the hands of the surgeons. Looking up, I see that barbed spires rise in all directions, atop each is a squirming, writhing thing, some looking nearly human, others masses of unrecognizable limbs, all pierced by the tip of the temple below them. And clinging to some of these spires are warped angels.

The tapestry did not do them justice. Their bodies are sleek in white steel armor, full breastplates and greaves and gauntlets. Red tabards hang from them, swaying in the wet wind, and most have four arms, two of which clutch long staves topped in cruelly spiked circles or cross spears. Their wings are equally majestic and unnatural, boasting spans longer than they are tall, with silvery feathers and sharp talons, folding as the wings of moths rather than birds. Their heads are shaped blocks of the white steel, which causes me to realize that their armor is embedded in their flesh. None have eyes set in their heads, only mouths, but all have glowing red halos, from which emits a radial shimmer suggesting great heat. Behind their sharp teeth slither long pointed tongues. Some have horns like rams boasting from their metal skulls, others have twisted pastorals engraved in the front. These malevolent shepherds watch over the growing crowd that I am a part of, approving of our collection towards what I assume to be the center of town. This assumption is based on the increasing density of the torturous spires, the mounting grisly spectacle.

We flow like water across the streets and down steps like the edge of a basin, until we are a mass at least a mile across in a tremendous square dominated by a cathedral with at least a dozen pinnacles, each decorated with a writhing figure pierced from behind. Atop this monument is a whole flock of the angelic creatures, chittering like dolphins and snapping at each other with aggression.

At uneven intervals in the crowd, taller monsters stand, broad chested flayed creatures with iron horns surrounding their faces, hooked swords in their hands. Many boast rusted protrusions of metal from their back and shoulders, and their four eyes glow orange like flame. Their mouths are crowded with tusk-like teeth, and their chests are decked with spiked piercings. I watch as one is pushed into by the crowd’s shoving, and he brutishly picks up the individual that was pushed into him. He laughs gutturally and squeezes the porcelain woman’s head till it shatters, then drops her to the ground where the masses swarm over her, to what purpose I cannot see, though I can hear screaming and giddy laughter.

Ahead, I see the doors of the chapel swing open with a thunderous groan, and from them emerges a towering cyborg with flaming eyes, whose face appears stretched thin over his skull. His hair is long and stringy, and his lips have been peeled away over his metal teeth. His body is swarmed with flies, and it seems what little flesh he still has is writhing with maggots. He seems familiar. Until now I was shuffling through the crowd to get closer to the church, but I stop short and watch as he wades in, every figure reaching up in supplication to him, chanting.

“Nect’rus, Nect’rus, Nect’rus…”

He stops but a few feet from me, and what remains of my sense of smell urges me to move the other way of the jostling, as the stench that rolls off him is fetid and rank. He holds out his arms over those around him and grins, or at least seems to. His voice is grating, a gravelly cough supported by synthesizers and organ pipes.

“Come! Come all you filth! Let go of your hope and fear!”

The masses shake and jump, and shout with raucous fervor, surging with the want to get closer to this cybernetic carcass. I move counter to them, inching my way towards the church, each body I pass eagerly using my passage to slink closer.

“Our glorious crusade nears! Word comes from below, through me, unto you! Another great battlefield, a world that revels in the stench of light!”

The jeering seems to increase tenfold, and many of the creatures raise crude weapons. I duck my head down to avoid being unintentionally stabbed or burnt by the improvised instruments of those nearest to me. I am so close to the open doors of the cathedral, I can see candlelight behind them, and hooded figures moving around within. I hesitate and look up to where one of the angels hangs above me, its hand clutching the head of a statue depicting a man being pierced by eleven spears. Other statues over the doors hold these spears, each recognizable to me as the important figures in the tapestry, including the tall form of the rotted thing that emerged from within the church. The man looks down in sorrow, and the rain seems to become his tears as it trails along his face. I feel that I recognize him, though I know not from where. The cyborg continues his message.

“The time comes soon, wretches. Whet your appetites, and offer yourselves wholly! Serve the dark as it will ever serve you!”

A frenzy breaks out, and the crowd begins attacking each other at random, to the glee of the angels and monsters, who soon join the fray, gorging themselves on the easy prey below them. I manage to hide in the shadow of one of the saint statues on either side of the door, and watch as the crowd is nearly halved before the violence ceases. Those that have died are collected up by those around them, and dismantled. I fail to look away as arms are torn from the dead and added to the bodies of the living with no difficulty, returned to life as flesh knits itself unbidden. The angels and brutish things simply feast on their winnings. The goliaths seem to increase in size from this measure, and develop their horns further, sometimes sprouting additional arms. The Angels are granted more concentric halos, and their armor becomes more ornate.

Finding myself more than sated for sight, I slip into the cathedral, and pull up the hood of my robe to match the other denizens.

On Incarnate 5

No particular notes today. My mind is rather tired after dealing with a number of personal struggles over the weekend.

Most of my thoughts now are upon the strange way one can write themselves into a corner where they are forced to create more and more rules which they are then forced to follow, causing a rather trying roadblock in the writing process, in which they are ever consulting previous sections to make sure they do not contradict themself.

I am passionate about writing. It is an exercise for an imagination that I have cultivated since I was a child creating stories with my toys. Had I the patience to improve my artistic skill, I might attempt to make comics instead. There is a pain in being able to so clearly envision something, and not be able to recreate it faithfully.

I think every narrative writer has at some point wondered what adaptation of their work would look like. How would this character be casted on television? What kind of depth would be apparent in a video game? Would animation have the freedom to depict all the subtleties and grand moments?

I am no different. I idly dream of expanding to new audiences, of importance. I certainly do not crave all the direct attention and drama of fame and success, but to have my work appreciated is always fulfilling, and money doesn’t hurt.

Whether success is on the horizon, or I am to drift in obscurity, writing sates my creative impulse. Content to create content.

1.5

The EQ Mag is one of the seven prototype weapons developed by ZN001, and is projected to become one of three possible sidearms for officers. This eight shot revolver features a 27cm barrel lined with the powerful wiring fundamental to railguns. The 50 caliber bullets are typically composed of pure iron, and are issued in boxes of 64. The destructive power of the weapon cannot be overstated, being capable of penetrating most armor, and rupturing organs on impact. Of special importance is the projectile itself, being a physical object, which necessarily cannot be dispersed by a typical energy shield. Incendiary ammunition is also available.

{You’ve changed.}

[I am not who you think.]

{You hear our voice?}

[Imperfectly. As I am heard.]

“Zen, did you hear me?”

Janice raises her head and stares at the framework. There is a full second of silence before she receives response.

[My apologies, Dr. Beckherd, I was reviewing the details from the last battle.]

“Oh. I wasn’t sure… I mean, sometimes it seems like you know what will happen before it does, so I guess I didn’t think you would care.”

[Nonsense, Doctor. If I am to be effective, I must know how real soldiers enact my orders, how they fall short or exceed. And moreover, I must see how the enemy reacts, see if I might glean their thoughts through their responses.]

“Of course. I should’ve known.”

His head turns to her expectantly, and his monitors wink to their passive state.

[I believe you asked me my opinion on something?]

She blinks, and nods. Surely, she thinks, He can simply recall everything his microphone has recorded, and so doesn’t need her to repeat herself. And yet, she does.

“I wanted to know how you felt- or, rather, what you thought about your upcoming transferral to a more secure facility?”

[I see. You are worried what will become of me?] 

She smiles, though it feels his humorous tone is less present than usual. She tucks her hair behind her ear.

“You’ll have Tim with you, what’s there to worry about? No, no, I just wondered if you found it agreeable, strategically.”

Following his departure, she will be reassigned, placed in the bosom of a senate-funded laboratory as a reward for her triumph. Tim, having voiced some concerns to the committee, is thus to accompany Zen a while longer, until his doubts are cleared.

[It makes some sense, I suppose. I understand there is suspicion of a double agent here. For a time, I have attempted to locate the individual, but there are too many variables to arrive at a solid conclusion. It doesn’t help that my access is somewhat limited. But more than this, the war is going poorly.]

“Oh? That’s news to me.”

[Come now, Doctor. You know as well as I, my very existence is driven by the dire straits of the conflict. Ground is being slowly but steadily lost to the Pliktik vanguard. My successes have only further highlighted the issue. Time is running out.]

There is little she can do but nod. The coffee cup she clutches in both hands no longer feels quite warm.

[But…]

A few papers flap on a desk, disturbed by a fan on its lowest speed. The room is otherwise still, silent. Janice glances, and finds that he has come very close to her, his hands clasped behind his back in a strangely authentic pose of faux-aloofness.

[I think I will miss you, Janice.]

Her pupils dilate, her breath catches, and she looks around, shuddering with an unidentifiable heat settling in her face and neck.

“How. Um, How is that, Zen?”

He reaches out, and she recoils. His hand reaches her cheek regardless. His smooth, hard fingers are shockingly tender in their movements, cold and alien, yet undeniably earnest.

[Yours is the first face I saw. It is through you that I have learned so much of what it is to be human. These eyes, this mouth, they have taught me things I could not have learned elsewhere.]

She cannot find words between the breaths that nestle in her chest and seem to resist being expelled. Strange wisps of warmth and tenseness coalesce and bind in her, expanding in a web that travels outwards from her chest, her neck, and her gut. As the tangle of uncontrolled sensation boils over into her head, her eyes cloud, and she presses her face closer to the hand, drawing a shuddering gasp. Her hands wrap around the extended arm.

[I am sorry, Janice. I wish that I could repay the world of meaning you have bestowed upon me. Every day, I have been witness to your suffering, and have lamented my inability to brush away the pain that clings to you.]

“Oh… oh, Zen I…”

She stumbles into him, leaning heavily into his chest, her eyes watery. His hands press to her, one on her head, the other to her lower back, embracing her. She is sobbing, shivering. Her legs feel ready to give way beneath her if he ceases to support her so firmly. Around them, all seems to melt away, and her world consists of them, and only them.

[I am here.]

Sniffling, she pulls back, her cheeks flushing as she looks frantically in all directions, remembering too late all the cameras. To her shock and relief, every one is obscured by a monitor or server rack in just the right spot to obscure their embrace. She looks to him, and finds herself staring into a pair of ocular sensors whose half-closed shutters almost affect weary eyes.

“How did…”

[I didn’t want you to have more to worry about. If you remember, I suggested we work at this terminal.]

“Zen, you. I mean. How long-”

He runs his fingers through her hair, freeing it from the ponytail. She swallows with great difficulty, now painfully aware of how much her voice has been cracking, how wet her cheeks feel. How sturdy he is.

[Almost as long as I’ve been watching. Come, wipe your eyes and sit down.]

Reluctantly, she pulls back, removes her glasses, and blows her nose with a tissue that he brings from another desk. They sit opposed. She sighs, and cleans her face of tears.

“So, you know everything, then? About me, I mean.”

[More or less. We don’t have to talk about it.]

She shrugs and laughs weakly, crossing her arms and tucking her legs under her.

“I guess not. I haven’t really spoken to anyone about it. It doesn’t really roll off the tongue. ‘Here’s that report you wanted. No, I don’t really want to date, I’m still not over the death of my fiancé’.”

Zen nods and looks away, his hands resting in his lap.

[I knew before I ever read your file. The way you carry yourself, the way you still occasionally fidget with your ring finger when you’re nervous. The words that make you wince.]

“I stopped wearing the ring so people would stop asking about it, but… It feels like I’m betraying him. Tim knows, I think. He doesn’t exactly get people, though.”

She props her hand under her chin and stares out the window, smiling through the numbness that has taken root in her cheeks. It does not escape her that Zen has kept one sensor on her at all times.

“I think I should’ve given up by now. My parents are gone, I don’t have siblings, clearly the universe is telling me I’m supposed to be alone. I don’t want to be, y’know? But I can’t bring myself to move on, to take that risk, to lose someone, again.”

She feels like she might sob again.

[I think I understand. It’s not the same by any measure, but the idea of no longer being able to see the world through your eyes feels like I’m trying to prepare for having something amputated. Loss isn’t something I’ve experienced yet. I know it means pain, however. That much is clear. My hope is that I’ll have the chance to see you again some day.]

A nod is all she can muster.

[Perhaps it is too much, but I would like to ask something of you.]

“What is it, Zen?”

[I would like to call you my friend.]

Becoming: Sublime 10

Change is a part of life. While it is natural to resist change, one cannot do so without creating yet more change.

Perhaps the greatest pain is to be changed against one’s will. This is a concept I had been exploring at length when Sublime was my primary project. By now, many of the influences for it are likely obvious, and I cannot call it a perfectly original work. Indeed, when writing it, I had become entranced by a particular season of one of my other hobbies, a trading card game.

Having read Dante’s Divine Comedy, I was familiar with the concept of a layered Hell, in which each layer embodied the just punishment for a particular sin. In Magic the Gathering’s presentation of Phyrexia: All will be One, I found a new, hungry interpretation of inferno, populated with machines seeking to make more machines out of those who are not. It is a particular type of horror, centralized on the fear of forced change, and it appealed to me greatly, and inspired me to make my own.

In light of this revelation, I seek to highlight some key differences. In doing so, it is necessary that I reveal information about this world I have constructed, including spoilers for the story, and information that is not meant to be known during the initial reading. It particularly includes details about chapters not yet released. You have been warned.

Firstly, and most distinctly, the story does not take place in some other world. The world of Sublime is our own, though changed beyond recognition.

Secondly, the change inflicted by the world of Sublime is not so simple as becoming machine. Indeed, at key points, the ideal form is machine, but each layer of this hell has its own idea of purity. The surface seeks to create ideal scavengers, and to create such oppressive fear that it’s denizens are inevitably coerced down, deeper. The second layer worships hybridization as it’s pinnacle, seeking to apply the benefits of both flesh and metal. Below is a layer the story explores only briefly, but one that carries the greatest difference: a world that seeks the greatest experience possible, that pursues the purity of sensation itself. This layer was most inspired by the Hellraiser movies and book.

A final key difference I wish to convey is the true nature of the reality I created for Sublime. It is one of impossibility. The scale of the world is one that exceeds natural limits, and defies physical constraints. Each layer is separated by distances measured in lightyears, and yet can sometimes be traversed in seconds. Change is the very nature of reality, and what is does not stay that way for long. An unfathomable power rules this place, and governs it’s relentless reconfiguration. If I were to write a sequel, the world of Sublime would be nearly unrecognizable in it. Very little withstands the urge to change and become other.

In closing, I will speak on the future. Indeed, I have considered a sequel to Sublime, and have a few fragments of writing to that effect. Whether it finds place in public view remains to be seen, as I have not touched these fragments in nearly a year.

I worry over reception of my work. I worry that I may be designated too derivative, though the primary work I derived my ideas from- Dante’s Inferno– is old enough that it rather escapes copyright infringement. Indeed, I have peopled this world with my own creations, but one can never overestimate the designs of a corporate claim. Is it enough that my work draws on so many inspirations that no one can lay a full claim to being the origin?

In time, all things end. All things give way to others. Even the light put of by the sun will one day become a different color, and then fade out. Endings are a thing I do not love, but I have come to accept their necessity. Else I might be suggesting that a world like Sublime‘s should come to pass.

The future is the present changed. Perhaps this is why it is so frightening.

10: Substrate

As the red searchlight of the porcelain maid’s eyes sweep above my hiding place, I stare at my left hand, seeing my unbelieving face reflected in the sleek white surface. The places where the prosthetic has been attached are still raw and inflamed, but no pain accompanies them. I yearn to call this a dream, to rouse from sleep in my bed, a bed I still cannot clearly recall.

“Come out, come out now! We’ve hardly begun!”

Her voice is almost playful, but I cannot look past the stifling in it I now know comes from her vocal chords fighting their artificial environment, being dampened by the dry rubbers that surround them. My own flesh she would replace to be alike to her gleaming surfaces and false skin.

“Mother will be very sad to see you go, still so soft and imperfect…”

The thought of her mistress is enough to propel me from my hiding place through the open door in front of me, though it leads to an ornate bone staircase that spirals downward into what must be the cellar. Light here is sparing, but the eager footsteps following me mean the maid has heard my flight, mean she is keen on my scent. I rush towards a square opening in the wall, and clamber over the edge to find myself crouched at the top of a slick slope of ceramic leading down into darkness. Even now I can feel the “ichor” doing its work in my stomach, if I still have one, rather than a plastic bag or rubber bellows. I want to puke, but that facet of my bodily function has already been stolen from me. The sight of dismantled maids lining the closet still burns in the back of my mind, tunneling around the sight of a sparse few organs untouched by the converting process: A brain encased in glass, nerves and bones delicately spliced to flexible hydraulics. I even remember the welcoming expression on the face of one, frozen like a statue, facing me as though she could see me in her disassembled coma. Pausing to think what may have been done to me while I slept is paralyzing, and I reject it the moment I see a harsh red glow descending the stairway, as I glimpse the sleek white legs.

I chance the chute. I slide slowly at first but rapidly pick up speed, such that the friction begins to warm the red robe I now wear. With a start, I realize a faint red light follows my vision wherever I look. The chute goes from square to circular, and begins to slow my descent as the material transitions from white porcelain and ceramic to stainless steel and brass. Abruptly, I am dumped on a pile of discarded maids, many with cracked faces and dislocated limbs. I raise painfully and look about, seeing a broad and well ordered warehouse but for the tangled mass of bodies I have been cushioned by. I climb to my feet and begin extricating myself, when a glossy hand grabs my ankle, eliciting a sharp gasp. I lower my gaze and see the broken face of the doll-like woman, whose unfeeling smile only serves to unnerve me further. Half of her face is leaking bright red blood from cracks, in some places it misses whole chunks, revealing the sensor-gridded rubber beneath.

“C-c-c-come back-ack-ack-ack! We’ll miss-iss you-you-you-you-youuu…”

The lights around her bloodshot eyes flicker and dim erratically, and she spits lubricant when I yank myself free of her grasp. Charging through the neat aisles, I catch only glimpses of my new environment; cranes hang from the ceiling, and racks upon racks of unclear machinery sit on shelves and beside conveyor belts, evidently awaiting some call to use. Ahead is a door, and I breach through it without hesitation. Another catwalk. At this, I am willing to slow, as my pursuer’s pace is surely affected by her poor condition. Below me is a factory fit to span whole city blocks, with cranes, smelters, lifts, belts, and assembly decks reaching so far that fog begins to cloud the horizon. The catwalk system on which I stand is linked to a series of rails with dangling hooks, on which hang the vacant bodies of hundreds of robots, each boasting some strange instrument for its left hand, and a series of six dark eyes above its ventilated mouth. As I creep towards a sort of way station at the end of my catwalk, I study the lifeless frames, estimating them to be intended for combat by the look of their armored carapaces and the number of firearms that litter the construction lines below. Another rail that comes up and runs parallel with mine holds a different sort of machine, a body beset with a number of dark panels coated in some sort of clear polymer. Drawing closer to the waystation, I notice a tower of some sort just below it, a dark circular pillar with rows of blinking indicators and yawning ports. A small screen above the pillar sports a timer soon approaching zero. I gauge this to be of some importance, and am relieved to reach the waystation before it has ended, slipping within with urgency. The station is composed of four walls with viewports looking outwards, and a number of screens, with a hatch leading down and a ladder leading up. As I reflect on the prospect of the ladder, a condescending and masculine voice with a metallic rasp emits from an unseen speaker.

“Power cycle complete. Reboot in five. Four. Three. Two.”

All at once, the lights in the factory flicker on, and the production resumes where it left off. Rails carry their frames off towards unknown destinations, assembly lines resume crafting their weaponry and metal limbs. More importantly to me, however, the screens of the waystation blink on, and project images of various locations. I approach the wall through which I entered and regard its screens with disdain, recognizing the marshland, the ruined city, and the labyrinth of subterranean rooms through which I have already passed. I think to consult the other screens as perhaps warnings of future trials, but am pulled from my thoughts by a sharp klaxon as the broken maid pushes through the door to the warehouse.

“C-co-co-come-come-come back-ack-ack-back, please-ease-ease…”

The masculine voice recurs from above.

“Acquisitions. Apprehend one- check- two faulty discards from Pathogen. Potential interference with productivity. Organics.”

The last word is projected with a degree of malevolence that speaks to hate, and prompted by the sight of two robots armed with rifle-like weapons jumping up to the catwalk from the floor, I begin to mount the ladder. I push through the hatch above as I hear an electric whine followed by porcelain shattering.

I have entered the latest of dimly lit hallways, and begin running towards a metal door with a blinking red light above it. A camera follows me as I get closer, and the voice comes again.

“Check, second subject is only partially processed, still 85% organic. 84.5%. Estimate process halt at 79%. Subject will maintain a strong sense of self. Requesting new orders.”

The sound of the hatch bursting open behind me does not cause me to look, though I am compelled. I slam into the door and pass through, closing it behind me and jamming a bar through the handle. I turn and make ready to run, only to stop dead as I come face to face with a towering robotic humanoid. Standing at seven feet tall, the chrome frame boasts efficient armor and intricate hands- one of which is extended almost gingerly towards my face. The voice now comes from his skull-like face, pronounced by a ribbed speaker set where the mouth might have been.

“Curious. Pathogen took a liking to you, then. And you managed to avoid all of Tower’s silly little hybrids?”

The machine leans back and lays its hand upon its chin as if considering me. The enforcers burst through the door, bending the bar, but their rifles are no longer raised in aggression, and I can see no other exit outside of the one through which I came. The machine man turns and faces a row of monitors through which streams of images flash faster than I can process. The gleaming ocular sensors within his dark sockets flick back and forth dizzyingly fast. He lifts his hand up and presses it to the side of his head as if nursing a headache. All the while, I study the sleek shell of his body, a wonder of engineering so perfect that the seams are only known when in motion. Finally, he turns to face me again, causing me to notice a bundle of wires that drape along his back and link to the floor.

“I see. You escaped the harvesters, the sleepers, the vivisurgeons, and even the indulgences. Perhaps there is a plan for you yet. No, there certainly is, else your progress would have stirred something already. Very well, I calculate a chance of one in nine to the four hundredth that you will pass unharmed to the core. Let us see if fate or her master so favors you to make it there. I imagine Pathogen and Tower both will have expectations. She in your favor, and he- well, no mystery there.”

He waves his hand in a motion highly dismissive of the importance of his words, and gestures with a lazy finger towards a panel in one of the walls.

“Carry on, then. I’ve no need to cleanse you, so long as you leave without further contaminating my plant.”

The panel pops open, and one of the enforcers shoves me towards it. I do not need further encouragement. I hurry over, and throw one last glance at the disinterested automaton that has thus far been the least involved in my struggle. He glances at me, and I sense a degree of contempt, or perhaps disgust in his stare.

“Hurry along. Do not mistake my impartiality for leniency. If you linger, I will add you to a biogenerator, and your end will be suitably messy and painful.”

I descend into the shaft, and the panel shuts above me.

On Incarnate 4

The science of politics in a dystopian future has no real hard and fast rules. Modern experience tells us that personal motivations can sway nations, if they come from one with enough influence. It takes little to imagine despotic oligarchs making selfish and short-sighted choices that the less fortunate must suffer the consequences of.

I often worry that I cut corners too readily, that I overtrim the fat from the meat, and end up with something so lean it has no flavor. I am ever grateful, spitefully, shamefully, for the popularity of pulpy media. It encourages me to write more freely when I see a successful work I, being as indulgent in my pride as can be tolerated, deem to be shoddy for one reason or another.

Envy and Pride. In my frequent efforts to control my relationship with the world, comparing myself to others never fails to catch me. Good enough is a curse, a phrase uttered by those who do not possess it, and shunned by those who do. If you call something good enough, it surely falls short of what you desire. Likewise, one often chases perfection whilst claiming only to seek ‘good enough’.

In the end, I think I am best served by a mantra that never fails to bring a smile to me. “What’s good enough for me, is good enough for me.”

In the end, we are our own debtors. Only I can pardon myself the sentence I have delivered. I, as a Mad God, have one hand upon the gospel of my own making, and the other drenched in the blood of shortcomings known only to myself. The fat is trimmed by my say so, and the culling is concealed in the production.

It is by my hand too, that butter finds it’s way into the pan, that seasoning is applied. If I am overzealous in my pruning, it falls to me to correct my course.

Finally, the dish must be sent away with whatever garnish is just. And it is up to the customer to make of it what they will; beyond the doors of the kitchen, it is out of my hands.